The need to feel like you are the author of your own life — that your choices are yours and they matter.

Does this sound familiar?

"I don't mind, whatever you want" comes out before you've checked with yourself.

Saying no feels selfish, dangerous, or like it needs a long explanation.

You feel relieved when someone else decides — and quietly resentful later.

Every so often, you rebel against something in a way that surprises even you.

This isn't a flaw in you.

It's a need — one every human has — that may not have been fully met. What hurt you wasn't only about

what happened. It was about what was missing. And the way you've learned to cope makes sense.

Three questions worth asking:

• When did wanting things start to feel risky?

• What happened, growing up, when you said no?

• Whose voice do you hear when you're trying to decide?

These are exactly the questions Missing Pieces walks you through — where this need went unmet, what you

were actually looking for, and what you can do to meet it now.

Where to go next:

The core-needs signature series — Missing Pieces (the past), Bad Blood (the present), and Good Company (the future). Three little books with a lotta power.

Ask Sara — you're on the list now (don’t worry, you can unsubscribe at anytime.) I’ll send you a few letters written for people whose missing piece is safety, and you can reply anytime with a question. Emails to the broader group normally go out only once a week, unless there’s a special reason for more.